Monday, July 1, 2013


I put Jaina to bed without nursing her tonight. Instead of sitting down to enjoy those quiet moments with her snuggled into the crook of my arm,  I stood by her crib and wrapped her in her blanket as she held her baby tight. I patted her while she laid her head on my shoulder...whispered "good night" and "I love you" as I laid her down. 
It was painful to ignore her cries as she realized that we weren't going to sit like we have every night for the past year. She reached for the chair for a moment and I almost gave in. I don't know why this is so hard. I've been hanging on to the one time a day that I get to spend with my baby while she is completely still and comforted by  my arms. I should have cherished our time last night a little more. 
We're probably not completely know how it goes...but it's a turning point. And it breaks my heart. 

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